I’ve been staring at this space for more than 10 minutes not knowing what to write, although, my heart is overflowing with love and my brain is working overtime remembering all those amazing moments with Mak, but my mind just went ‘kaput’ and now I’m struggling with this syndrome, which they called writer’s block. I doubt I could ever find the right words to tell her how much she means to me, to all of us adik-beradik and we could never find a better mom.
It’s just unexplainable! She’s indeed the ‘awesome’mest mom in this whole wide world and YES! We LOVE her so very much....
When words failed me, I try to remember things she said and sometimes, albeit her being clumsy (now you know where I got this special trait from, eh?) and ‘orang cakap A, dia ingat Z and then dia cakap B’ kinda person, she never ceases to amaze me with her words and advises (ya lor... she’s only a std. 6 graduate mahh...).
The most vivid conversation I had with her was a few months back and it’s about me, her once-career-minded-‘gungho’- daughter-turned- SAHM. During that particular casual conversation, I asked her whether she’s disappointed with me for being a SAHM. Well, you know....sometimes mothers do have high expectations on their children, be it academically, materially, and professionally and they’d always want their children to excel in every aspects of their life.
Honestly, I didn’t expect my mom to say what she said and it reduced me to tears to know that I have the most understanding and supportive mom. What she said in a gist was, as her daughter, my then responsibility was to ‘masuk Uni, get myself a degree tak kisah la course apa-apa pun and work’. I did just that and made her proud (well, at least my mom merasa la duit kerja I – that’s her words okay!), although at the same time I did give her hell with my perangai yang sungguh tak senonoh (they did say that bad girls have more fun, no?).
She continued by saying that I have additional role and as a wife and mother I now have different responsibilities and priorities, which is to my husband and my lil’ girl (and she went on and on and on about this responsibilities of mine), and as much as she’s worried about me being too dependent on DH, there’s only so much that she can do and that ‘much’ she leaves it to none others but the Almighty to eternally bless my marriage. That’s what matters the most, right? I always believe, when a married couple received a blessing from both their mom and mother-in-law, it kinda strengthened the whole family foundation.
So, yeah! That’s among the conversation I had with my mom. Isn’t she the coolest mom in this world or what??! Okay..okay.... maybe I was just being a selective listener, you know, you kinda listen to only things that interest you and simply shut down to other conversation or advises when you feel that they’re not on your side. But, well.... in my case, I’m confident that she’s happy for me and with my decision to quit my job, although there’s nothing ‘glamour’ about being a gorgeous & still very much desirable SAHM because if she cares, she’ll talk and talk and talk until cow comes home but when she has given up hope on you, that’s where she’ll be in total silence and that’s the time where I’ll start to shiver and go helter-skelter to find ways to make her talk to me again. I sure hope I won’t do stoopid things to incur such ‘wrath’ from her.
But I digress.... and since I’m so predictable, you’d understand by now how often I ‘tersasar’ from my writing mission here..... So, again, Happy Birthday Mak! Semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki , disihatkan tubuh badan dan semoga ALLAH swt sentiasa memberkati hidup Mak....Aminnn..
Here’s a poem for you, mom.....
Before I was Myself, You made me, Me....
Before I was myself you made me, me
With love and patience, discipline and tears,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Allowing me to sail upon my sea,
Though well within the headlands of your fears.
Before I was myself you made me, me
With dreams enough of what I was to be
And hopes that would be sculpted by the years,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Relinquishing your powers gradually
To let me shape myself among my peers.
Before I was myself you made me, me,
And being good and wise, you gracefully
As dancers when the last sweet cadence nears
Bit by bit stepped back to set me free.
For love inspires learning naturally:
The mind assents to what the heart reveres.
And so it was through love you made me, me
By slowly stepping back to set me free.
